Tending the Fire - On the Pressure of Productivity
Last weekend the hubby and I celebrated one of my greatest accomplishments: I, dear friends, have officially become a napper! I enjoyed blissful, non-guilt-ridden snoozes on both Saturday AND Sunday afternoons... cue the confetti!! 🎊🎉🎊🎉
Ok, I’m (partly) joking about the confetti and I get that this might seem like a ridiculous thing to celebrate, but hear me out...
I grew up very motivated by gold stars. Literally, like with gold star stickers, and also figuratively, meaning tendencies of perfectionism and approval-seeking. In early adulthood, I often tied my value to accomplishments and felt the chronic need to be “productive”. I experienced workaholic tendencies, had difficulty relaxing, and felt that I needed to earn or justify rest. I’ve had maannny a conversations about this with others and I know I’m not alone here. Maybe you can relate?
I remember a moment when this began to shift…
It’s 2016. I’m sitting across the table from a dear friend as we sip our wine, graze on apps, and catch up on the last couple months.
“I’m sorry that it’s been so long,” I say to her. “I hated having to cancel last time, work has just been so busy lately.”
“It’s ok,” she says. “It’s just... you’ve been saying that for a while now, that work is really busy.”
I’m startled by her response. I expected a platitude perhaps. Something along the lines of “Oh I totally understand, we’re all so busy.”
I’m unsure of why she’s saying this. Is she angry? Worried about me? I look up from my plate and into her rich brown eyes. They meet mine with gentleness, kindness. She doesn’t elaborate nor backstep. Instead, she places her observation, this reflection of me, on the table and leaves space for me to choose whether I’ll pick it up.
I don’t remember my verbal response to her, but I do remember the feeling: a sinking pit in my stomach that reverberated the words “you’re right.”
This wasn’t the first time I had received this type of feedback, but it was the first time I was ready to engage with it. Deep down I knew a truth was stirring.
This wasn’t about my job, or workload, or even about disappointing a friend. This
was about how I was showing up in my life: I was choosing productivity over connection, both with others and myself.
The drive to be productive could also be called the fear-of-what’s-left-when-you’re-not-being-productive; this drive/fear had served me well in many ways, but it was now holding me back.
I worked with a coach to put language to this knowing and then I got to work. Big shifts aren’t typically swift; instead they are built over time through small daily actions. With this in mind, I started where my achievement-driven self most often begins: with a list.
How we spend our time shows us what we value. If we have a tendency toward achievement, we can harness the “need to achieve” by expanding our to-do list to include small daily actions that are in service of how we want to be showing up. When I put items on a to-do list I’m telling myself that they are important. For me, this looked like adding in, prioritizing, and celebrating moments of connection with others, nature, and myself.
This included small daily actions like:
start the morning by reading a chapter of a fun book
take a proper lunch break away from the computer
instead of scrolling, set the phone down and stand outside barefoot for a few minutes between meetings
relax while watching a movie with the hubs
enjoy afternoon puppy cuddles
weekly walk with a friend
and clearly the pinnacle... NAP
This strategy has been transformational. With practice, reflection, and encouragement, this strategy has expanded my sense of self and eased the pressure to be “productive”. Now, gold stars and check marks flow with abundance for a wide breadth of experiences, all of which contribute to a life feeling aligned and whole.
What about you, dear reader? What is your relationship like with productivity? How about with rest? What might a snapshot of your to-do list or calendar show that you value? These questions and more are in the Invitation section below if you feel called to explore.
Yours with much 💛, ✅, and 💤,
Shannah 🤍
Nurtured Founder & Coach
Your turn! Let’s check in. The following questions are here as a way to tend your fire.
Remember, this doesn’t have to be a big time commitment to be helpful. If it feels good, put on a song, pick one question from the list, and noodle until the song ends.
What speaks to me from the story above?
What is my relationship like with productivity?
How about with rest? And connection?
What might a snapshot of my to-do list or calendar show that I value?
Do I feel proud of how I spend my time?
What adjustments, if any, might be needed?
ONE action that I will do TODAY to nurture how I want to be showing up in my life is: ____________
Big bravo for taking a moment to explore, check in, and tend your own fire. If you would like to have your responses witnessed, I would be delighted to receive them! Email me anytime at shannah@gonurtured.com
Interested in releasing the productivity pressure for more flow and connection? Let’s chat. Change is possible and I would be honored to steward it with you.